I have another doctor appointment today. It seems like I go to the doctor every other day lately for some reason or another but today is the big one: a pre-op physical for the surgery I'm going to have next week. The surgery where they are going to mess around with my heart and stick all kinds of wires down into the veins in my heart with the big one snaking down into the coronary sinus. Gak. It makes me a little light headed every time I think about it and I almost wish it was next Friday already so it would all be over already and I would be home on the couch watching horrible Christmas movies on the Hallmark channel.
My heart isn't working right anymore and I now get to have a CRT implanted in my chest because it's just not beating like it should and I am tired as all get out all the time. For a person who could never sleep I can now take a nap anywhere and at anytime. A long line at the check-out counter? Yes. Perusing titles in a book store? Don't let me sit down in one of those squishy chairs if you don't want me to nod off and embarrass both of us. It's as if I have a strange case of narcolepsy and there is a chance I will fall asleep at the dinner table if nobody is talking to me to keep me alert. I am that tired.
I have a branch bundle blockage and my heart just isn't beating like it should. It's taken a while to get to this stage but I've always had a wonky heart. It beats way too fast sometimes and feels like it's stomping around in my chest with big boots on. Other times I think I barely have a pulse. For years I've been told there's an extra beat in there or that I just have a 'racing heart' . Now it's something that meds can't help and it's time to pull out the big guns. The dreaded CRT device.
I've read the helpful Patient's Guide to Cardiac Resynchronization Therapy over more than a couple of times and every time I do it scares the bejezzus out of me. The first thing that makes me sick is the whole 'shocking' deal. After the device is in and done I get the pleasure of being knocked out and someone will zap the thing to see if it works. I hope the nurse tells me how high my body lifted off the table. After that I have to stay in the hospital a day or two to be monitored and have tests done just to make sure...again...that it's working. This will be done...the booklet tells me comfortingly...from outside the body. Hooray! The series of problems I could have? Uncontrollable twitching, non-stop hiccups. dizziness, fainting spells or chest pain. None of this makes me feel any better.
The thing that bothers me the most other than the fact that it might not work is that I can't lean into a cordless power drill anymore and really put some effort into getting that screw into where it's supposed to be. Yup...no more battery operated power tools. Oh, it's not as if I use them every day but one never knows when a screw will become loose. No more slot machines either. I have to be at least twelve inches away from slot machines so if I ever get to Vegas and win a jackpot there is to be no hugging of the machine. I don't know yet about jumping up and down. And there will be no more hanging over the open hood of a running car saying 'what the f&*k?' Oh, I can say whatever curse words I want if the car won't go but I just can't open the hood and look inside like I do even though I have no idea what I'm looking for. I have to remember that.
And I have to remember to be careful with my cell phone. Yes. I have to hold it to the ear farthest from the CRT. You know...the ear I can't hear out of. Sigh. Just when I get used to being technologically advanced I have to stop. Well, not stop really but everything has to be more than 12 inches away and I feel as though I might take to carrying a tape measure around with me and embarrass the grandchildren. Apparently I will either faint or have palpitations if I don't adhere to these rules. And if I feel a big electrical shock coming on I need to find a place to lie down. I bet that happens when I'm skipping around under big power lines. And just to add more excitement to my life, if I do get a big shock to get my heart back in business and someone happens to be touching me at that moment, he or she will feel a tingle. Sex might be a whole new experience.
Actually, I feel fortunate that this can be done at all no matter how scary it is. My grandmother died when she was 63 from heart problems and my dad died when he was in his early 70's from congestive heart failure which is what I have. These implantable shocking devices weren't around then so I guess I am up on technology more than I think and my beat will go on. It's just that it's scary. Scary to be aware of my heart beat and scary to think that it's all being handled by a little device that needs batteries and might go goofy if too near a slot machine. For someone who is a little edgy anyway it's just going to make me more edgy I fear. I just hope when someone leans in for a hug I don't scream and slap them for fear they have a cordless power drill on them somewhere.
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